Facebook-Stalking Your Way To Love

Cross posted from Dot Complicated


Confession: it’s weird that you wrote a Facebook status about me being “wife material” the day after we met.

The overall population is on the rise, yet finding a mate has never been so challenging. If you manage to have enough time to meet actual, living people at some kind of social event, there are so many new digital traditions and rituals that one must perform before a date can occur.

The most imperative new ritual is finding as much information as possible on your new beau, down to their swim records from high school (here are mine). Everyone turns to the Internet to “stalk” potential dates, yet there’s still a huge social taboo about doing so, despite the fact that we are accessing information that was willingly put into the public domain. That’s the justification I give myself, anyway.

The truth about Facebook, Twitter, or any other social profile, is that 100% of the information on a given person’s “page” was purposefully put there. It’s hard to believe, but when your friend posts that video of herself singing both parts of “Summer Lovin’” from Grease at a karaoke bar, she is choosing to share that colorful detail of her life with the world. Every picture, check-in, and impassioned opinion that someone posts is their own choice, and the same is true for you as well, dear reader.

So when you meet someone new, you’ll be faced with a wealth of information about said person that will aid you in determining whether or not they are good enough for you. But remember they too are scrolling through your timeline trying to decide if your obsessive love of capybara is quirky or deranged.

Understanding this, I have put together a quick guide on how you can use the almighty Internet to identify your dealbreakers as quickly as possible.

Finding Their Crazy

In many cases you will only be able to see a restricted, private profile. This is good! What someone shares on their limited, to-the-whole-world profile says a lot more about them than what they’re willing to show their close friends. Take this as an opportunity to see if you even want to see the private profile information.

  1. Check out their Facebook to look for:

    • Any mutual friends – get the inside scoop!
    • “Unique” interests – maybe extreme unicycling isn’t your thing
    • Profile pictures of their wedding day
  1. Find out their Twitter name to see:

    • Incredibly vocal tweets about all the most intricate conspiracy theories
    • Complaints to companies in caps lock
    • Nonstop tweets to one celebrity – who’s the stalker now?
  1. Google their name to uncover:

    • High school swim records (we’ve been over this)
    • Participation in any reality TV shows
    • Message board entries detailing a fantasy wedding with a certain celebrity

Clearly, not everything you read on the Internet isn’t true, but what they choose to share can say a lot about them. With all the data that we have about one another it is easier than ever to make an informed decision about who we date, but we have to wield that data wisely. Once you get to the actual date, try to avoid repeating one of their tweets to them verbatim, or you might end up revealing your stalker status.

This is actually a pretty big accomplishment.

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